1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,540 real leadership requires enormous 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:08,940 amounts of courage real leadership is 3 00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:11,759 incredibly rare because few have the 4 00:00:08,940 --> 00:00:14,880 courage to truly lead you see it doesn't 5 00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:16,500 take much to lead that you can just 6 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,690 somebody's gives you a title somebody 7 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:20,880 has gives you a position put some people 8 00:00:18,690 --> 00:00:24,199 under you and officially you're a leader 9 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:26,849 but to truly lead that takes courage 10 00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:29,550 because great leadership true leadership 11 00:00:26,849 --> 00:00:32,399 means that we have to be willing to look 12 00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:35,010 in the mirror of our own ugliness and 13 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:36,989 see what it is we don't like it requires 14 00:00:35,010 --> 00:00:39,329 the courage to look in that mirror to 15 00:00:36,989 --> 00:00:41,370 see what we don't like but not only that 16 00:00:39,329 --> 00:00:45,329 to look in the mirror see it and then to 17 00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:50,550 be willing to change my belief what we 18 00:00:45,329 --> 00:00:53,940 don't each one is unique there isn't 19 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:56,129 another one of you on the planet and no 20 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:58,870 one has the right is the right Vitelli 21 00:00:56,129 --> 00:01:16,600 is no less than less 22 00:00:58,870 --> 00:01:19,810 [Music] 23 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:26,360 the beverage in hand do you have yours 24 00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:27,950 are you ready to go throughout this 25 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,230 series we've been talking about deep 26 00:01:27,950 --> 00:01:32,240 greatness and what deep greatness is 27 00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:36,020 where it is within us and how do we 28 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:39,710 access it but today I really want to 29 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:43,130 talk about an asset an aspect if you 30 00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:45,500 will of deep greatness what it plays out 31 00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:47,750 as and I don't think we can talk about 32 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:52,940 deep greatness without talking about 33 00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:56,090 leadership it seems to me that today we 34 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:57,800 are in a crisis of leadership I'm not 35 00:01:56,090 --> 00:01:59,570 just talking about political I'm talking 36 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:03,140 about at every possible level it seems 37 00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:06,290 like there are so few real leaders out 38 00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:08,360 there so let's let's just sort of hold 39 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:09,860 that as the frame while I speak about 40 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:13,250 something else and we'll bring it back 41 00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:15,890 into that frame I want you to imagine 42 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:20,510 for a moment that you woke up this 43 00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:22,459 morning and by whatever means you had 44 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:26,390 forgotten who you were you had this 45 00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:28,010 instant amnesia and what's more is you 46 00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:30,530 didn't even have the reference points 47 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:33,410 where you could turn to your partner or 48 00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:36,019 your children or your boss or your 49 00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:38,360 employees or or anybody that you knew 50 00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:42,380 you had no reference point for who your 51 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:45,170 world what would happen what would 52 00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:47,480 happen to you I mean a cycling effect 53 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:49,519 you'd be very confused but within a 54 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:54,769 period of time you would have to begin 55 00:02:49,519 --> 00:02:57,050 to design who you are and you couldn't 56 00:02:54,769 --> 00:03:00,530 do that based on history but when we 57 00:02:57,050 --> 00:03:03,459 think about who we are isn't who we are 58 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:05,780 based on the design of our history that 59 00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:10,550 everyday we're just adding a little 60 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:14,690 piece of who we are to who we were so 61 00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:16,970 really it's just a small fraction 62 00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:20,769 stacked up on top of history over and 63 00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:24,350 over and over again so do we really grow 64 00:03:20,769 --> 00:03:26,770 the question is is if the original 65 00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:29,290 foundation is faulty 66 00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:31,870 in other words what we've built on what 67 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:34,540 if that is actually not the truth of who 68 00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:35,980 we are there's a movie years ago you 69 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:39,580 might remember it with Steve Martin 70 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:41,350 called the jerk and he doesn't know that 71 00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:43,750 he's different than anybody else and 72 00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:46,080 it's about the realization that he's 73 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:49,750 suddenly not who he thinks he is 74 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:51,790 isn't that true for all of us what would 75 00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:54,490 it take for us to wake up and realize 76 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:57,430 that we're not who we've been trained to 77 00:03:54,490 --> 00:03:59,470 believe we are there was some very 78 00:03:57,430 --> 00:04:03,160 interesting research done way back in 79 00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:05,200 the 80s and 90s where they put lenses in 80 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:08,440 people's eyes that flip to the world 81 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:11,800 upside down and it was fascinating to 82 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:15,310 see how quickly those people adapted to 83 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:18,310 the world being upside down what if your 84 00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:20,680 world is upside down what if you taken 85 00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:26,740 on the idea of who you are and it's got 86 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:29,340 nothing to do with who you are so I 87 00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:33,310 started out talking about leadership and 88 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:34,780 I said that leadership was in crisis but 89 00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:36,160 whatever you've been taught about 90 00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:38,320 leadership what have you've come to 91 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:41,680 believe about leadership if it doesn't 92 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:44,970 include personal courage then we're not 93 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:47,860 really talking about real leadership 94 00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:50,850 real leadership requires enormous 95 00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:54,250 amounts of courage real leadership is 96 00:04:50,850 --> 00:04:57,070 incredibly rare because few have the 97 00:04:54,250 --> 00:05:00,190 courage to truly lead you see it doesn't 98 00:04:57,070 --> 00:05:01,840 take much to lead that you can just 99 00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:03,730 somebody just gives you a title somebody 100 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,860 just gives you a position put some 101 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:08,980 people under you and officially you're a 102 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:11,800 leader but to truly lead that takes 103 00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:13,810 courage because great leadership true 104 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,060 leadership means that we have to be 105 00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:18,760 willing to look in the mirror of our own 106 00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:21,490 ugliness and see what it is we don't 107 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:23,470 like it requires the courage to look in 108 00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:25,420 that mirror to see what we don't like 109 00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:29,520 but not only that to look in the mirror 110 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:33,250 see it and then to be willing to change 111 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:38,200 what we don't like to change what is in 112 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:38,610 the way of us truly leading others so 113 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,129 from 114 00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:45,240 leadership is very much first and 115 00:05:41,129 --> 00:05:48,840 foremost a personal thing we have to 116 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:50,909 lead ourselves and we think of 117 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:53,990 leadership in these grandiose ways you 118 00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:56,729 know the president of the mayor of the 119 00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:59,879 whatever it might be in that great title 120 00:05:56,729 --> 00:06:02,789 sense but as a parent you're a leader as 121 00:05:59,879 --> 00:06:05,879 a teacher you're a leader as a boss 122 00:06:02,789 --> 00:06:08,909 you're a leader as a friend you're a 123 00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:12,599 leader we're all leading in some way 124 00:06:08,909 --> 00:06:15,319 shape or form and the great challenge is 125 00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:18,029 to actually ask ourselves am i leading 126 00:06:15,319 --> 00:06:20,400 authentically or am i leading to impress 127 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:22,529 what I'm suggesting here is we take on 128 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,000 the idea of who was supposed to be what 129 00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:25,860 we're supposed to be in order to lead 130 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,419 rather than understanding that we've 131 00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:29,939 been given our leadership position 132 00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:32,009 because we there's something within us 133 00:06:29,939 --> 00:06:34,199 and it is that deep greatness that 134 00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:37,020 somebody saw that deep greatness within 135 00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:40,110 you and and it called to them and they 136 00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:44,129 called to you to to bring it forward to 137 00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:47,909 step into that deep greatness in order 138 00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:51,870 for you to lead and lead others often 139 00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:54,300 the courage that's required to be a 140 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:56,639 great leader to be a leader who actually 141 00:06:54,300 --> 00:07:00,000 comes from a place of deep greatness is 142 00:06:56,639 --> 00:07:03,150 the courage to admit we are wrong and 143 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:05,879 this is something that we so rarely see 144 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:08,430 you remember I said leadership is raz a 145 00:07:05,879 --> 00:07:12,210 rare commodity because too few leaders 146 00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:14,490 can actually say I was wrong I was wrong 147 00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:16,800 about the situation I was wrong about my 148 00:07:14,490 --> 00:07:20,009 opinion because great leadership 149 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:23,460 requires openness it requires us to be 150 00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:27,449 not just teachers but learners for us to 151 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:31,589 be the student for us to be willing to 152 00:07:27,449 --> 00:07:35,430 be imbued by others with their wisdom 153 00:07:31,589 --> 00:07:37,710 and all too often in the leadership 154 00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:40,580 position we think we have to know and 155 00:07:37,710 --> 00:07:44,129 that we're not allowed to know anything 156 00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:46,919 we're not allowed to even consider that 157 00:07:44,129 --> 00:07:48,509 we don't know 158 00:07:46,919 --> 00:07:50,009 throughout your life things have 159 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:52,530 happened there's no doubt about that 160 00:07:50,009 --> 00:07:55,830 that's called life there's an experience 161 00:07:52,530 --> 00:07:59,310 and those experiences in our life change 162 00:07:55,830 --> 00:08:01,650 us but when you think about that have 163 00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:04,289 those experiences changed you now the 164 00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:06,779 truth is they have changed you but to 165 00:08:04,289 --> 00:08:09,060 what degree of they changed you that's 166 00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:11,400 actually the question to what degree 167 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:14,310 have you allowed those things that 168 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:17,580 happen to you to open you up to tear 169 00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:19,949 open the chests of your experience and 170 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:23,849 reveal the heart and soul of who you are 171 00:08:19,949 --> 00:08:27,060 and sometimes it takes a hard blow it 172 00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:30,770 takes a sharp blade to open it up to 173 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:32,940 have us reveal ourselves to ourselves 174 00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:35,669 but here's what I want you to know when 175 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:41,070 it comes to your deep greatness it comes 176 00:08:35,669 --> 00:08:44,159 down to this polarity this tension 177 00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:47,360 between two points and on one side of 178 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:49,380 that tension is who you have been and 179 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,350 your attachment to it 180 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:57,360 and on the other side of it is who you 181 00:08:52,350 --> 00:09:00,149 want to be and your desire to be it and 182 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:02,310 these two places pull out you the anchor 183 00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:04,290 of who you've been and here's the 184 00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:07,050 history and who I want to be anyway 185 00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:09,209 aspire to be those feelings that come up 186 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:12,180 inside of you the tension between the 187 00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:14,220 two determines the speed at which you 188 00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:16,649 actually change determines the speed at 189 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:21,959 which you actually get full access to 190 00:09:16,649 --> 00:09:24,560 your own deep greatness and the more the 191 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:28,800 stronger the pull is here the greater 192 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:32,459 the tension and they very often in many 193 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:34,470 cases the greater the fear because to go 194 00:09:32,459 --> 00:09:36,540 to what I don't know means I have to 195 00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:39,420 leave behind what I've always known I 196 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:45,410 have to leave behind the familiar and 197 00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:48,250 that can be terrifying it can be truly 198 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:50,890 terrifying 199 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:53,920 so how do you get to where you want to 200 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:56,470 go to how do you actually get to that 201 00:09:53,920 --> 00:10:00,220 place that you desire to be how do you 202 00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:03,880 actually reach that place it can seem 203 00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:06,940 like an enormous challenge because it 204 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:10,150 can seem like that person you want to be 205 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:12,700 is so different from who you are then it 206 00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:15,160 can be easy to tell yourself I'm just 207 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:18,700 not that person it's easier to look at 208 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:23,140 at him or her or them and say well I'm 209 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:27,070 just not that but were they always that 210 00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:28,870 I was interviewed recently really great 211 00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:32,650 into in the interviewer said to me have 212 00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:35,470 you always been this charismatic and so 213 00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:37,930 she when she asked that I said well my 214 00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:39,040 nature is and my wife was even 215 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:41,910 challenged to believe it 216 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:44,980 that my nature is that I'm shy so I 217 00:10:41,910 --> 00:10:47,890 evolved into this thing called charisma 218 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:52,570 for a moment I want you to consider who 219 00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:54,730 is your favorite actor or actress you 220 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:57,130 know for some people it's Robert De Niro 221 00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:59,680 for other people it's Meryl Streep 222 00:10:57,130 --> 00:11:01,630 whoever it might be I love Meryl Streep 223 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:03,940 I think she's fantastic I love Robert De 224 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:07,540 Niro one of my favorite actors is Tom 225 00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:10,300 Hardy now why I love each of those three 226 00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:13,990 actors is because you can see them in 227 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:16,510 three different movies and they are 228 00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:18,190 completely different people I mean when 229 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:20,620 you think about Meryl Streep in the 230 00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:22,810 roles she's played the different accents 231 00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:23,920 she's had it's like this is a completely 232 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:25,930 different person 233 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,430 when I think about DeNiro and some of 234 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:31,150 the roles that he's played it's like 235 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:35,140 he's amazing the e embodies this 236 00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:37,030 character this personality when I think 237 00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:39,520 about Tom Hardy he's done exactly the 238 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:43,450 same what was the actor from the movie 239 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:45,550 my left foot Daniel day-lewis I mean you 240 00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:49,240 know when you think about him it's 241 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:52,150 almost unrecognizable in each of those 242 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:55,300 roles and these are actors who embody 243 00:11:52,150 --> 00:11:59,470 the character well what if you did that 244 00:11:55,300 --> 00:12:02,019 with you what if you decided to embody 245 00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:04,029 the person you would 246 00:12:02,019 --> 00:12:05,769 to become because I've actually thought 247 00:12:04,029 --> 00:12:07,149 about this I thought you know I've seen 248 00:12:05,769 --> 00:12:09,579 these interviews with these actors and 249 00:12:07,149 --> 00:12:13,749 they talked about that they at slept 250 00:12:09,579 --> 00:12:15,910 lived breathe that character and it's 251 00:12:13,749 --> 00:12:18,239 interesting because while the playing 252 00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:21,519 the role the people who surround them 253 00:12:18,239 --> 00:12:23,049 that their partners in life their 254 00:12:21,519 --> 00:12:25,329 children whoever it might be their 255 00:12:23,049 --> 00:12:27,759 friends kind of accept that okay they're 256 00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:30,399 in the role and because we've sold them 257 00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:32,049 a framework of who we are so what I'm 258 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:34,509 suggesting to you to give you a really 259 00:12:32,049 --> 00:12:38,350 great tip and in saying it's what would 260 00:12:34,509 --> 00:12:41,649 happen is if you wrote out the character 261 00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:44,709 of who you want to be who you are 262 00:12:41,649 --> 00:12:48,850 becoming what if you wrote that person 263 00:12:44,709 --> 00:12:51,040 out and you studied that character the 264 00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:52,899 way Daniel day-lewis would have studied 265 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,869 a character the way Robert DeNiro Meryl 266 00:12:52,899 --> 00:12:58,389 Streep Tom Hardy whoever is way a great 267 00:12:55,869 --> 00:13:00,579 actor would study a character what if 268 00:12:58,389 --> 00:13:05,799 you built a backstory to that character 269 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:08,290 so for instance if that character in 270 00:13:05,799 --> 00:13:10,600 your own life presently you know I'm 271 00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:14,379 gonna make stuff up forgive me let's say 272 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:16,449 you had an alcoholic father and that has 273 00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:18,790 impacted your life and maybe even giving 274 00:13:16,449 --> 00:13:20,470 you some insecurities but this character 275 00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:22,509 you're going to play is going to have 276 00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:24,850 the same history as you same back story 277 00:13:22,509 --> 00:13:26,920 but the framing of that back story might 278 00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:28,360 be different the context the content 279 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,860 would be the same that the context would 280 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,259 be different so maybe the character 281 00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:35,379 you're becoming sees that alcoholic 282 00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:39,100 father is the greatest gift to them that 283 00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:41,350 it allowed them to to say no and tear 284 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:43,209 open their own chest and dig deep into 285 00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:46,269 their own heart and find their own soul 286 00:13:43,209 --> 00:13:50,470 to become powerful to tap into that deep 287 00:13:46,269 --> 00:13:52,389 greatness what have you embodied the 288 00:13:50,470 --> 00:13:55,869 character that you're looking to become 289 00:13:52,389 --> 00:13:59,999 because maybe that character has direct 290 00:13:55,869 --> 00:14:02,769 access to the deep greatness within you 291 00:13:59,999 --> 00:14:04,600 what would happen if you did that what 292 00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:07,980 would happen if you made that your 293 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:10,809 reality and you lived 8 slap breath 294 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:13,940 every part of you stepped into that 295 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:16,320 character what do you think would happen 296 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:18,230 there's one other piece I want to bring 297 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:22,020 to you before we finish up here 298 00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:24,270 in the context of tapping into your deep 299 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:29,870 greatness so that you can become who you 300 00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:33,180 want to become what is it that stops us 301 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:35,730 talked about that pull in being who 302 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:38,430 we've been but what is it that stops us 303 00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:41,430 from becoming who we want to be what is 304 00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:46,680 it another factor and another factor is 305 00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:50,280 this what stops us from stepping into 306 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:52,020 that greatness becoming the kind of 307 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,610 leader that we need to become in our own 308 00:14:52,020 --> 00:15:01,530 lives and in the lives of the people we 309 00:14:53,610 --> 00:15:07,020 care about is that we haven't forgiven 310 00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:09,590 ourselves just for a moment I want you 311 00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:13,590 to stop and consider and think about 312 00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:18,450 what it is that you might not have 313 00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:20,850 forgiven yourself for if you haven't 314 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:24,030 forgiven yourself for it how can you go 315 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:26,370 to what you want it feels like I don't 316 00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:30,480 really deserve it that level of not 317 00:15:26,370 --> 00:15:33,330 feeling deserving may in fact be deeply 318 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:37,050 related to not having forgiven yourself 319 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:43,500 for something here's what I want you to 320 00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:46,500 know I have been an asshole I have I've 321 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:50,910 done things that I am so so not proud of 322 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:53,490 I have spoken to people in ways that are 323 00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:56,670 shameful I've treated people in ways 324 00:15:53,490 --> 00:16:00,630 that I wouldn't want anybody to treat 325 00:15:56,670 --> 00:16:03,930 anybody that way I certainly wouldn't 326 00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:07,080 want to be treated that way myself I've 327 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:11,490 been less than kind I might have even 328 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:18,320 been cruel there are times when I've 329 00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:18,320 been such ineffective 330 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:26,690 there are times when I've taken my wife 331 00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:29,880 for granted there are times when I have 332 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:36,510 said things that were so insensitive and 333 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:38,280 uncaring I've done those things and many 334 00:16:36,510 --> 00:16:44,910 many other things that I'm not proud of 335 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:45,900 I don't forget them in fact I want to 336 00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:49,680 remember them 337 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:52,290 that's called healthy shame it reminds 338 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:56,370 me that that's not who I am that's not 339 00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:59,730 who I want to be healthy shame is there 340 00:16:56,370 --> 00:17:03,120 to remind me that this is not the truth 341 00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:07,610 of who I am this is a bump in the road 342 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:11,370 this is a deviation from the path 343 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:14,189 towards my deep greatness and that I 344 00:17:11,370 --> 00:17:16,410 have to correct the course back to the 345 00:17:14,189 --> 00:17:18,000 deep greatness but that bump in the road 346 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:20,069 the problem with the bump in the road is 347 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,540 we can get so caught in it that we don't 348 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:24,060 forgive ourselves from it and then we 349 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:26,430 end up veering a million miles from the 350 00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:30,000 path of the truth of the deep greatness 351 00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:31,710 that sits within you so yes you have 352 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:34,950 done those things you have done things 353 00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:37,850 that may even have seemed unforgivable 354 00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:41,940 and if that's the case ask for 355 00:17:37,850 --> 00:17:44,430 forgiveness and if you have indeed asked 356 00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:47,190 for forgiveness and they won't forgive 357 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:51,060 you or they are not available to forgive 358 00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:56,070 you then you have to decide to forgive 359 00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:58,680 yourself so that you can embody that 360 00:17:56,070 --> 00:18:01,740 character to become who you want to 361 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:05,300 become because so much of what limits 362 00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:10,860 you is in your lack of forgiveness of 363 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:14,370 yourself so right now for a moment think 364 00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:16,800 about this who do I want to become what 365 00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:18,960 is that character and by the way that 366 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:22,260 character like in the movies may need 367 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,640 another name you may need to give it 368 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:26,340 another name and even may need to give 369 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:29,180 it something that allows you to detach 370 00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:31,330 from this personality to embody that and 371 00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:36,180 what's more is you may 372 00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:38,650 build a whole suite of characters 373 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:40,030 aspects of oneself that you can tap into 374 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,950 as you need them 375 00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:44,500 for instance when I'm not feeling so 376 00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:46,300 great and I'm feeling kind of down which 377 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:49,060 we happens to all of us and I feel like 378 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:52,120 I'm getting too serious about stuff I 379 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:55,420 have a character that I have to step 380 00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:58,810 into it's not a falseness so let me be 381 00:18:55,420 --> 00:19:02,790 clear this is not acting like it's 382 00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:07,570 tapping into what is already there 383 00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:12,040 my name is dove Baron dove means bad as 384 00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:15,790 in B e AR so one of my characters that I 385 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:17,560 have to step into is bad and you might 386 00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:20,740 think well bear it'd be big and powerful 387 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:23,800 and grisly no actually bad is about two 388 00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:26,790 to two and a half years old bear is a 389 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:29,320 little boy who is filled with joy and 390 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:31,540 curiosity about the world and he's 391 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,850 excited to be in the world when he 392 00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:35,920 reminds me to laugh and he reminds me to 393 00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:37,630 see the light see the world through a 394 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,910 playful place when I'm feeling this 395 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:42,730 stress when I'm feeling the anxiety when 396 00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:45,250 I'm feeling the self-doubt I have to go 397 00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:47,740 too bad cuz pant doesn't know anything 398 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:49,600 about that bad just knows joy Bendis bad 399 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:54,340 just knows playfulness bad just knows 400 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:56,710 pure curiosity so you may have to find 401 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:58,120 those elements within yourself and I 402 00:19:56,710 --> 00:20:00,310 didn't even know about that part of 403 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:02,920 myself until I began to do this work you 404 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:06,820 will have to find those aspects of 405 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:09,850 yourself but in order to do that you'll 406 00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:13,480 have to decide if you're willing to 407 00:20:09,850 --> 00:20:15,870 forgive yourself if you could be willing 408 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:18,250 to forgive yourself 409 00:20:15,870 --> 00:20:20,890 because yeah you've done some terrible 410 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:25,770 things that you feel are unforgivable 411 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:29,200 but they're not and so you can live this 412 00:20:25,770 --> 00:20:33,460 diluted version of yourself the diluted 413 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:36,730 version of your own life or you can live 414 00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:39,130 your life in your full glory only fully 415 00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:41,260 the mistakes you've made and the way to 416 00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:43,060 think about it is at the end of your 417 00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:46,560 life if they interview you 418 00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:50,230 if they brought up anything you did 419 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:52,300 could you not turn away in shame but 420 00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:57,030 rather look into the eyes of it and say 421 00:20:52,300 --> 00:21:00,700 yes I have felt the shame and I know I 422 00:20:57,030 --> 00:21:02,890 did wrong and I atoned for that I asked 423 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:05,500 for forgiveness and I forgave myself so 424 00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:09,940 that I could do magnificent things so I 425 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:14,530 could step into my deep greatness my 426 00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:17,760 challenge to you is to do just that in 427 00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:20,020 order to tap into your deep greatness 428 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:22,240 you're gonna have to look at that pool 429 00:21:20,020 --> 00:21:27,070 between who you are and who you want to 430 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:30,280 be and that that part of who you have 431 00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:33,550 been that's got the strongest pull 432 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:36,790 because the safety in it but to become 433 00:21:33,550 --> 00:21:37,810 who you you sense within you that you 434 00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:40,150 truly are 435 00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:43,090 that's your deep greatness calling to 436 00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:47,110 you and you can't get there without 437 00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:50,080 forgiving yourself for your history so 438 00:21:47,110 --> 00:21:53,380 stay curious my friend stay deeply 439 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:56,050 curious about what it is you need to 440 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:59,530 forgive yourself for in order to step 441 00:21:56,050 --> 00:22:03,880 into your deep greatness this is dove 442 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:05,680 Baron full monty leadership calm you'll 443 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:08,320 find out more about me at Full Monty 444 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:11,970 leadership calm till next time this is 445 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,970 Darren and I am 446 00:22:14,510 --> 00:22:50,520 [Music]